Incarceration of a Teenage Drama Queen

In a barrage of glitter more likely found in a Mariah Carey video, Lindsay Lohan walked into a Los Angeles courthouse this morning and turned herself in to begin her 90 day sentence. Stripped of her jewelry, her designer clothes and her hair extensions, Lindsay was sent to an all-female prison in Lynwood, CA where she'll spend the majority of her day in an insolation unit, previously home to such delinquent celebutards as Paris Hilton and Michelle Rodriguez.

What I find most interesting about this is that she's now in the same jail as Alexis Neiers, currently serving 180 days for her involvement with the Hollywood "bling ring" and the robbery of such celebrities' homes as Orlando Bloom, Rachel Bilson and Lindsay Lohan.

Dun dun duuun.

Yes, Alexis is now in the same jail as the woman who's home she may or may not have helped burglarize. (Alexis plead no contest to the burglary of Orlando Bloom's home. I make no claims that she was actually at Lindsay's home. Jus' sayin', Mama Neiers. Jus' sayin'.) Personally I think that this could be just the thing they need to get their careers back on track. Or in the case of Alexis, get a career to begin with.

Think about it. Lindsay and Alexis coming together in jail to help protect each other from the mob of angry lesbians and lurds (lesbian until release date) who would love to get a taste of their sweet Hollywood poon. You know there is a Big Bertha or two who was overjoyed when she heard Lindsay and Alexis would be gracing the halls of her prison.

Imagine the possibilities afterwards. They could get an 8 episode special series on E! about life after imprisonment. They could call it "Pretty Wild: Living Life on the Outside". (TM, E! Entertainment. If you go through and make this series I demand producing credit.) They could star in their own Lifetime Movie of the Week detailing their life in the clink. We all know Alexis can cry on command. Remember the incident with the Vantiy Fair interview? "They weren't six inch Louboutins. THEY WERE LITTLE BROWN BOOTS!" Alexis would be perfect for a Lifetime movie.

If they really wanted to cash in on the whole jail experience they'd produce and star in their own porno movie. Picture it, Lindsay and Alexis getting close in their cell and releasing their pent-up frustrations on each other. The scene with the overzealous guard. Or the scene where Alexis' sister, Tess comes for a visit that quickly turns conjugal. Lindsay's already on her way to doing porn in the Linda Lovelace biopic "Inferno" and Alexis spends half of her time on Pretty Wild naked anyway. At least this way they could star and produce to make more money. (TM, Porn producers. If you go through and make this film I demand producing credit. I want my money delivered via PayPal. I ain't touching money or checks that you people in the porn industry have touched. Ya nasty.)

So listen up Lindsay and Alexis, it doesn't matter who stole what from who, or who was wearing what on which day or what went down at which exclusive party. What matters now is that the two of you need to stick together and help each other through this difficult time. When you come out you'll be stronger for it and America will want to know the truth! At least the part of America that regularly watches E!.