Tag Archive for Justin Timberlake

What Had Happa to Justin Timberlake?

August 30, 2010 Uncategorized

Remember the days when Justin Timberlake was a musical artist? I know you might not remember but think back to the days before the Facebook movie, The Social Network, before the annoying Sony commercials, before his endless cameos on SNL, before he launched his clothing line, WilliamRast and spent his free time driving his balls into holes at the golf course and Jessica Biel. Justin Timberlake used to put out music, good music, makes-you-wanna-shake-yo’-ass music. I’m talking more than just his little featured spots on recent songs like Timbaland’s “Carry Out” and T.I.’s “Dead and Gone”. Justin Timberlake put out complete albums.

Now Justin Timberlake seems to have forsaken his musical past and is solely focusing on his creating fine theatrical films, like the live-action version of Yogi Bear. No, no. You read that right. Yogi Bear. Justin is the voice of the CGI Boo Boo. Really, Justin? Really? This is why I don’t have a follow-up album to 2006′s “FutureSex/LoveSounds”? Because you’re off being the voice to one of the gayest cartoon characters this side of Piglet, Vanity Smurf and Snagglepuss? /SMH JT, SMH.

I mean, I guess I should say I respect your hustle. You had to have worked hard in order to get “Fuck You” money to be able to walk around in your little hipster glasses doing whatever the hell you want. I even heard you’re writing a book about golf. Golf? Look, I obviously enjoy blogging but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go out and write a book about it. I’ll leave that to the pros and you should too.

What’s up, JT? Why the extended break from music? Did you decide the music scene wasn’t big enough for two people named Justin and decided to step down? You can sing and dance circles around that little snot-nosed Antichrist. Come back, Justin! Come back before you permanently lose your place among music’s hot trendsetters.

I hear Joey “There’s Nothing My Love Can’t Fix” Lawrence is heading back into the studio soon to start recording an album that will be a cross between your solo debut “Justified” and the Friends theme song. Well I don’t know about the Friends theme song but if he can do something with those unnatural eyebrows and shaved head look and manage to actually create something that sounds like “Justified” then you better watch your ass. Joey Lawrence and his beautiful locks were making panties moist back when you were still in the New Mickey Mouse Club.

It’s time to step up your game Mr. Timberlake. Stop fucking around with all these movies, commercials, clothing lines and golf courses for a minute, call up Timbo and get your SexyBack into the studio.

Better Than Your Boyfriend Ever Could

January 2, 2010 Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke, Sex Therapy, swagger

So it’s been decided that 2010 will be my Madonna Year: The Reinvention Year. In an effort to increase my already mad sexiness or lack thereof I’ve been thinking about what exactly makes good swagger and who has it? Hell, even the 300 lb boy on TLC’s One Big Happy Family claims to have good swagger, but that’s not exactly the type of swagger I’m looking for. What exactly qualifies as good swagger and how does one acquire it?

I’ve been listening to the new Robin Thicke album, Sex Therapy, lately and it is filled with prime grade-A examples of mad sexiness and good swagger. This blue-eyed soul boy’s album is dripping with sex appeal and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he ended up on Dr. Drew’s Sex Rehab season 12. His music makes grown women who were raised properly want to act like they didn’t have a father and shake their asses on a pole.

I want to have that power.

On the track “Make U Love Me”, Robin threatens to show us how it feels when it’s good and do it “better than your boyfriend ever could”. There’s even a track called “Shakin’ It 4 Daddy” that clearly needs no further explanation.

Justin Timberlake is another good example of a man having good swagger. Once he moved past the cornrows and full denim suits from his *Nsync days he grew up to be quite the sexy man. His swagger is so great that it actually has the power to make bitches go crazy. Look at Britney Spears, she went full on nuts when she no longer had access to Justin’s Trousersnake. And what about Cameron Diaz? Where’s she been? It took almost 2 years after her breakup with Mr. SexyBack to start showing up in movies again. I don’t know that anyone watched them but it’s nice that she’s trying.

On Timbaland’s “Carry Out” Justin asks if it’s “full of myself to want you full of me” and then later asks if we like it well-done cause he does it well.

So what exactly is it about these men makes thousands of women and men want to throw themselves at them? And why hasn’t it been bottled and mass-produced so that I can buy it?

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