One Gay’s Complaints on Sex & the City 2
By now all the interested parties who wanted to get dressed up to the nines, have a girls' night out drinking cosmos and watch the Sex & the City sequel have already done it so I'm not actually revealing any pivotal plot points in this rant. In order to do that there'd have to be a legitimate plot for me to reveal. Let me start off by saying that I enjoyed the series enough that I own every season on DVD. I can quote lines upon lines of dialogue from the show and before the first movie came out I did want to get dressed up and catch the midnight screening of the movie. But the sequel was just a piece of crap that made no sense at all. I left the theater slightly confused. I wasn't ready to demand a refund but I wasn't sure if I liked it either. After taking a few days to let it marinate I realized what bothered me so much about the movie.
My main issue started off right at the beginning with the big, gay wedding of Stanford Blatch and Anthony Marantino. Really Sex & the City writers? Really?! Ever since they met, Stanford and Anthony hated each other but you had to go and have the two homos in the series end up together in the end. There were no other homosexual men in all of New York City available for them to end up with. None at all? Both Stanford and Anthony went through all of the gays in Manhattan and decided that they were better off together? They scoured every bar, club and coffeehouse in all of Chelsea and came up with nothing else? Come on now, that's just lazy writing.
Granted some of the hottest sex I've ever had has been with people I can't stand but that doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I don't even want to spend the rest night with them. My complaint is that this just further encourages my straight friends to try and hook me up with the first homosexual they meet. "You two would be perfect for each other!" Why? Because we're both gay? How about you give me one thing we have in common besides the fact that we both love penis and then I'll decide if I let you set me up. Now if you're new gay friend is Channing Tatum look-alike then please ignore that previous sentence but in general how about you put in a little effort if you are going to try and set me up? At least half of the Sex & the City writers must have been gay men. Why would they go and perpetuate the myth that just because two people are gay, they're automatically perfect for each other. I don't try and set you up with my newly widowed uncle just because you're both straight and single, do me the same courtesy.
And why was Carrie buying spices?! We all know that bitch doesn't cook.
Gone Too Soon
Like the passing of a loved one who's been under intensive care for a while, yesterday's official notice of the cancellation of Melrose Place 2.0 was inevitable but heart-wrenching nonetheless.
When the original Melrose Place series debuted in 1992 it took a while to gain its footing and secure an audience but it was given the time to grow and turn into the pop culture icon it is today. It was renewed for a second season and continued to entertain audiences for 7. Melrose Place 2.0 wasn't given that same chance. Instead, after a single season it was canceled, yet shows like 7th Heaven, One Tree Hill and Smallville continue on into double digit seasons. Seriously, Clark Kent hasn't figured out all of his powers yet? Jesus, just give him the damn red and blue suit and get it over with already.
The CW should have done with MP 2.0 what they did with the 90210 remake. They brought in some of the original cast at the beginning to appeal to the older viewers and then developed the new characters they had. The old cast members were brought back during sweeps week to raise ratings. No one wants to see Donna Martin's face on the new 90210 week after week. Instead, MP 2.0 had both major storylines of the season focus far too heavily on original characters Dr. Michael Mancini, Sydney Andrews and Amanda "I buy my Botox in bulk and use it all in one sitting" Woodward. Having Heather Locklear show up in nearly every episode is probably what scared away half your original audience.
The other half had already been scared away by Ashlee Simpson-Wentz' horrendous acting (and I use the term loosely here) "skills". Really CW, what were you thinking? I get that Ashlee and her nose 2.0 are pretty but did you not notice that the girl cannot act? At all! MP 2.0 needed a red-headed crazy bitch in the vain of Kimberly Shaw but Mrs. Simpson-Wentz was not it. You could have done so much with a certifiable crazy bitch on the show and you missed your mark by leaving her on too long.
Melrose Place could have been the west coast answer to Gossip Girl. They were the first television show to regularly mention tweets and status updates, just what today's youth are talking about. I could not care less about Oprah's No Phone Zone campaign but hearing PR agent Ella Sims say that she gave up texting while driving was the first and only thing that actually made me put down my phone while driving.
You had a great formula. An established older fan base ready for a remake, gorgeous 20-somethings living in apartments whose square footage would make any person jealous, and one of, if not the, best television show soundtracks I have ever heard. The music on MP 2.0 wasn't the finger on the pulse of pop culture, it was the actual heartbeat of it. Week after week MP 2.0's soundtrack introduced us to hits that we would then continue to hear on the radio and television for weeks to come. The beginning of the second episode was the first time I heard Ke$ha's "Tik Tok". Say what you want about the crazy, white trash version of Lady Gaga but it's been 8 months and not a week has gone by where I haven't heard that song played on the radio or some commercial.
What am I going to do with my Tuesday nights now that I no longer have Katie Cassidy's sass to entertain me? How will I continue my life in the fall without knowing if Doctor-by-day/hooker-by-night, Lauren and Thief with a heart of gold turned restaurant owner, David will be able to make their relationship work? And most importantly where will I now go to get regular views of Nick Zano's sexy as all hell abs? Tell me that, all-knowing CW execs! Where will I get that now? Boo on you CW execs, boo on you for not having the foresight and patience to know what a great series and pop culture phenomenon Melrose Place 2.0 could have turned in to had you just given it the time to grow.
RIP Melrose Place 2.0, you were taken from us too soon.
For any adult who dares to judge my television viewing habits yet watches a certain Gilligan's Island re-imagining where people run around an island hiding from a smoke monster I say to you - Ya motha! Now with that said feel free to leave comments and tell your friends about this blog.
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